Trying to be a man - The United States Air Force -P1

Growing up as a "Military Brat" I remember more than anything telling myself that I would never be a part of the Armed Forces as an adult.  I think that for people in my position that was a common theme whereas for people in my twilight zone would have wanted to do the complete opposite.  Before I say another word I feel that I should say that I was beyond proud to serve, have the up most respect for those that have and still are serving, and have absolutetly no regret in my decision to serve my country!  My father spent over twenty years in the United States Navy and I am so proud of his choice to due so.  I have friends and family that have served in various branches and no matter how small a single job (such as mine was) may seem to the average person, it takes every single person in every single position to make it all work.....regardless of how we may feel at the time of what is and is not necessary.  For some the military is a way out of the world that they have grown up in that seems to be worthless, for others it is a true duty that they feel they must serve, and yet for others still (as it was for me) a way of  searching for direction and a way of making their father and/or mother proud.

With each generation comes an expectation of the next generation and that expectation, sadly, is based on the generation that came before them.  That always leaves someone left holding the bag and not sure what to do with it.  The wonderful thing is that with each passing generation we have learned something, whether we meant to or not.  I remember a wonderful friend from Iceland, Ricky Rynearson, whom I never would have though would be the incredible member of the Air Force that he is today.  We have sporadically kept in contact over the past twenty years and though I know very little about his life now, I do know that he has become one hell of a man! 

My journey into the military came from desperation and lack of direction, through no ones fault.  For whatever reason the years of moving around and never having stability took their toll on me and left me at an impasse of which I did not know what to do or where to go to find out.  Lest anyone should start to read this and think that I am attempting to make excuses for all the crap that is in my life, I am not, this blog started and still remains at this point, way of catching my friends, former school mates and those who give a shit up on the past twenty years of my life. 

I joined the Air Force for several reasons and the most of which was to have someone give me some direction because I did not know how to direct myself.  There are so many other aspects and emotions that have yet to be explored in my writing I find it very hard to stay focused on specifics yet I will try.  Being shy and quiet in high school I learned what I was good at, took that knowledge and still followed someone else in hopes of it all working out.  After all it always had for mom and dad.